Dear Abby: I have an unspecified problem. I think it’s a combination of issues. I live with my boyfriend and work from home. I have the shortest fuse when it comes to patience for just about anything. Simple things can spark fires quickly.
I get angry when I see people driving faster than me on the road. Something on TV or even the wrong food provokes me.My boyfriend takes the brunt of it. Other than my lack of patience and flying off the handle, everything is going relatively well.How can I stop being angry and overdoing it? — Short Hughes, New Mexico
DEAR SHORT FUSE: Two separate issues need to be addressed. Your tendency to drive competitively is dangerous to your health and others you encounter on the road. Our streets and highways are dangerous enough for motorists not to view driving privilege as a competition.
The purpose of driving is to reach your destination safely, not to compete with other commuters. As your belly starts to tighten, ask yourself, “Is something other than road conditions bothering me?” Then pat yourself on the back for insight and ease off the accelerator.
Your boyfriend may have the patience of a saint, but if you don’t learn to control your impulses, you will drive him and others away. It’s important to identify the real cause that’s causing it to fly off the handle. The “wrong food” or “thing you saw on TV” can be frustrating, but it’s an excuse, not necessarily the cause.
I publish a booklet, Anger in All of Us and How to Deal with It. Contains suggestions for managing and constructively channeling anger and frustration in a variety of situations. You can order by sending your name and address and a check or money order for $8 (US funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.
It takes self-control to react maturely without exploding. If the suggestions in my booklet do not help you overcome your problem, consider talking to a licensed mental health professional. It not only calms you down, but it also helps you maintain respect for others.
Dear Abby: I’m a high school sophomore and recently got into a relationship. This isn’t my first rodeo when it comes to this sort of thing, but in this case the guy I’m dating has never been in a relationship. I have done this before so I know what to do in certain situations and I understand the social cues. How can I teach him about certain aspects of the relationship For example, how can I get him to make the first move? — Wonders in California
Dear Question: Please be patient. Don’t pressure him. Remember everyone moves forward at their own pace. If you want to kiss him, ask him to kiss you. With a little help from you, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother. Pauline Phillips. Write to Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
