October 27, 2020

Leaf Blowers Are The Work Of The Devil

Which implies its time to bust out the scarves and coats, pack every room in your house filled with gourds, end up being enthusiastic about soups to an almost worrying degree, and fume with rage about leaf blowers.
The preferred function of leaf blowers, these godforsaken gadgets, is to clear leaves and particles away from a specific area. Great, youve taken a stack of leaves that was on the side of the street and moved it to a numerous part of the street in an even worse stack, so that one location is clear, but, oh no– now youve got ta use your ridiculous hair dryer backpack to move the leaves to clean up out that spot? Thats not even the most shocking part– in one hour, leaf blowers gush the very exact same quantity of carbon monoxide gas that a cars and truck performs in eight hours. Leaf blowers are evil, representatives of chaos developed in fire and brimstone, and its time we sent them back to hell where they belong.

Its here! Fall is officially upon us! Which implies its time to bust out the scarves and coats, pack every room in your house packed with gourds, end up being passionate about soups to an almost concerning degree, and fume with rage about leaf blowers.
Mankind has really handled to provide birth to some actually dumbshit inventions throughout the ages, but leaf blowers are, without a doubt, our shining Magnum Opus of what-the-fuckery.
I dislike them. I dislike them so much. Must you.
The preferred function of leaf blowers, these godforsaken devices, is to clear leaves and debris away from a specific area. Great, youve taken a pile of leaves that was on the side of the street and moved it to a various part of the street in an even worse stack, so that one area is clear, however, oh no– now youve got ta use your ridiculous hair clothes dryer backpack to move the leaves to clean up out that spot? When is the leaf blowing completed?? Do you just follow the extremely exact same stack of shit around, blowing it into the air and waiting to see where it lands permanently ?? Fuck you.
Image having a look at the dust and dirt and crumbs that develop on your floor and going, “Ah this is a mess, much better blow it around the rest of my house or condo.” NO. You would not do that since that is INSANE. Cleaning up things up from the flooring by air-blasting it from one area to another is INSANE BEHAVIOR. So why do we do it outside? Are you trying to inform me that pushing shit around till your mind has reached the end of its limitations in some way makes more sense than, I dunno, vacuuming it?
Stop talking. Shut. Shut the hell up.
Aside from the truth that they are bad at the job they were created for, leaf blowers are the most obnoxious, bullshit devices ever. All they are is the reverse of a vacuum, and yet, they produce the very same level of noise as a diesel truck. Theyre so goddamn loud you have to wear ear defense to use them. Thats not even the most shocking part– in one hour, leaf blowers spew the very exact same amount of carbon monoxide gas that a cars and truck performs in eight hours. These 115 decibel fart devices thats simply ability is flinging the extremely same handful of leaves from one corner of a parking lot to the next corner of the exact same parking lot are actively attempting to make you go fucking deaf, and doing more damage to the planet than your round-trip work commute.
No more. NO. MORE. The year is TWO-THOUSAND-TWENTY, goddammit! Enough! Leaf blowers are wicked, representatives of turmoil established in fire and brimstone, and its time we sent them back to hell where they belong.