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A Gentleman’s Guide To Purchasing Illegal Drugs

Initial artwork developed for Funny Or Die Tally ho, great sir! May you have any of the cocaines?
When acquiring customer items, it is imperative to keep certain social standards. When procuring that great shit, the same rules apply.

1.
First, figure out which manner of illicit drug you want to imbibe by working with a peasant kid to try every narcotic, stimulant, and psychotropic on the market.

2.
Carefully observe each compounds result on the young street urchin – whichever puts him in the gayest state of mind, and does not eliminate him, is the drug for you. I have actually decided to choose smelling salts, aka “drug.”.

3.
Have the street kid jailed for getting controlled substances. Poor people need to not break the law.

4.
Next, youll require to discover a Drugsmith, likewise known as a “dealership.” Do not go with any of the dealers utilized by your urchin kid, nevertheless, as he is a felon and for that reason untrustworthy.

5.
In order to secure a correct Drugsmith, you need to first officially reveal your intent to purchase drugs. Do this by tossing a large gala at your house, nation club or polo grounds.

6.
To command the attention of possible drug-sellers in participation, clink your teaspoon versus a brandy snifter precisely 3 times, curtsey, then state the words “I have an interest in acquiring controlled substances.”.

7.
At this moment, the drugsmiths will line up by height, and each will be offered 5 minutes to pitch his products. Each drugsmith will attempt his finest to woo you with short lived glimpses, weekend journeys to the nation, and whispered promises of “the excellent shit,” however only you can decide which peddler is ideal for you.

8.
It is customary to present him to your parents once youve selected your drugsmith. If they approve of his childhood, where he attended grad school, and how many horses he owns, you might continue with your drug offer.

9.
A narc is a casual knave who seduces drugsmiths into believing he is chill and down to smoke or do blow, however, in reality, he is a cop in disguise., you should react by reciting the following limerick:.
” A police officer is fop and I need to decree/ I am no more a police officer than I am a tree!/ for a trees made of wood and a cop simply bacon/ I am down as a clown, sir, and I aint fakin!”.
If that doesnt work, just say “I am not a police.”.

10.
Next, your drugsmith will ask you what denomination of drugs you wish to buy. Controlled substances are usually administered in the following denominations: one swelling, 2 lumps, a bushel, a peck, or a carriage-load.

11.
Once you have actually purchased your wanted quantity of sniffing salts, cigarette smoking soils or shooting savories, you may bid goodbye to your drugsmith with a gentle kiss on the forehead.

12.
Now, immediately throw your newly-purchased bag of drugs into the closest trashcan. Prohibited drug-buying is done simply for sport In upper class, and it is viewed as tacky to ingest ones own rating. If one still wishes to get screwed up, he just eats a bunch of prescription tablets, like a gentleman.

A narc is an impish knave who seduces drugsmiths into thinking he is chill and down to smoke or do blow, but, in reality, he is a police officer in disguise., you must react by reciting the following limerick:.
Now, immediately throw your newly-purchased bag of drugs into the nearest trashcan. Unlawful drug-buying is done merely for sport In high society, and it is seen as rude to ingest ones own score. If one still wishes to get fucked up, he just eats a bunch of prescription pills, like a gentleman.