Welcome

Memo to the Staff of This Paint-and-Sip Establishment

No, you do not. It can occur anywhere, anytime.

Heres the bottom line: if our clients are brave enough to drink a citrus I.P.A. and paint their hearts out to the carefree rhythms of Bruno Mars, understanding that anytime they could look down and learn that theyve been basing on an Acme disappearing floor, which has in reality simply vanished, so that now they are in fact awaiting midair, legs spinning like egg beaters, poised to drop as quickly as they keep in mind that gravity exists, then we need to be brave enough to keep the damn doors open!
Period!
— Paintbar Management
P.S. A number of you have actually been asking why Paintbar has not yet offered Acme all-in-one disaster-resistance armor to our personnel or visitors. Im sorry, however have you ever worn Acme all-in-one disaster-resistance armor? It is not comfy. It is scratchy. It is hot. It chafes. Not to point out, it looks bad. It is for chumps. I would rather fire an Acme double-ended back-bending bunny-hunter gun than wear Acme all-in-one disaster-resistance armor. End of conversation.

Photo from Alamy
ATTN: Paintbar Staff
A great deal of you have asked me why weve kept Paintbar open throughout these trying times. To be truthful, Ive been asking myself the same thing.

Doesnt it feel good to be favorable for when, instead of complaining/crying/desponding about the most recent Acme bug-spray/human-spray mixup that has triggered co-workers and clients to literally drop like flies?
Listen– I hear you.
I hear you when you shout at me to “briefly close Paintbar,” or to “permanently move Paintbar,” or to “restrict Paintbars hours to off-peak times when the Acme Electricity Laboratory is not giving out high-voltage breath mints that light up your skeleton like an animation feline when you suck on them.”
I definitely hear you.
Did I believe about closing Paintbar when that Frosé Friday class got smithereened by an Acme decoy pie cooling on the windowsill, or when our Watercolor Wednesday instructor got flapjacked by a train that shot out of a newly painted black circle on the wall, or when an entire Sexy Saturday Bachelorette Blowout got buried alive by an avalanche-in-a-can?
Naturally I believed about it!
But then I asked myself, Would closing Paintbar change anything? You dont have to be at a Pinot-and-Picasso night inside an Acme factory to get cartoonishly spiralized by a puff of instant-razor-blade powder, do you?

I know I personally get stressed whenever I have to evade an Acme piano or flee from a swarm of odor free wasps. Is it perfect that Paintbar is technically positioned within a Level 5 High-Grade Hijinks Hangar, house to a totally functional Acme manufacturing plant and screening center? Numerous of you have actually been asking why Paintbar has actually not yet provided Acme all-in-one disaster-resistance armor to our staff or guests. Im sorry, however have you ever used Acme all-in-one disaster-resistance armor? I would rather fire an Acme double-ended back-bending bunny-hunter gun than wear Acme all-in-one disaster-resistance armor.

In these remarkable times, is it actually suggested for individuals to visit Paintbar and put their individual spin on “The Starry Night,” when a lot of our guests and personnel have been unluckily hammered, flattened, blown up, frizzled, miniaturized, kablooey-ed, taffy-stretched, wagon-wheeled, and rocket-launched?

Do people truly require to loosen up with a glass of Pinot Grigio while they re-create timeless works of art under expert guidance, now, in these unpredictable times?
Should we really be encouraging people to unleash their inner artist on canvas throughout these extraordinary times, when it has become all too commonplace for folks to get pancaked by falling Acme anvils whenever they leave the safety of their own home?

Yes. Emphatically, yes!
The fact is individuals require Paintbar now more than ever.
I know I personally get stressed out whenever I need to evade an Acme piano or run away from a swarm of odor-free wasps. Our customers are no different. They, too, have imaginative inner spirits that yearn to break complimentary, and they, too, do not wish to be baked and suddenly cookie-cuttered to a crisp in an Acme PrestoMatic 3000.
Well, we cant constantly get what we want.
What we can do, at Paintbar, is offer customers a rejuvenating adult beverage and a creatively welcoming environment where they can “toss some gloss” and take their minds off the numbers, which, although we are no longer tracking them, appear to be getting even worse.
Is it perfect that Paintbar is technically located within a Level 5 High-Grade Hijinks Hangar, house to a totally functional Acme production plant and screening facility? Lets not permit the perfect to be the opponent of the great.
Instead, lets look on the brilliant side. I have actually not been punched directly in the kisser by the novelty boxing glove that springs out of Paintbars “Days Since Incident” indication for months, due to the fact that I have not had to go near it, due to the fact that it has actually remained at no.
We have a lot of consumers who have made it out of Paintbar alive.